I'm SICK!

*Warning* Super long and boring post ahead. Read only if u have nothing better to do *


I have this very serious alone-down-syndrome where I'll be afraid when I'm alone! You'll see me laughing and joking about everything on earth but when I'm alone, its totally opposite from what u saw. I think this alone-down-syndrome started ever since my grandma(dad's mom) passes away. I can still remember the date. 06 June 07 Wednesday!

I remember every single thing happened on that day! I brought my grandma (mom's mom) to the Hospital Sungai Buloh where dad's mom is staying since 2 days ago. I never bothered to visit her even shes in the same hospital. While waiting for doctor to check my grandma(mom's mom) with my uncle, I received a call from my mom. She said the nurse called her and ask us to go visit her at ward 4C. So my mom ask me to go since I'm there.

So, I walk there and the moment I stepped into the room, I saw my maid with tears. My maid was there the whole night to serve my grandma. I couldn't see my grandma as the nurse pulled the blinds and some male nurse pushed in a machine. Theres like 5-6 nurse and a doctor there.

Then, the doctor came out and speak to me,

Doc: Mana Ibu Bapa? (*wheres your parents?)
Me: Tak Datang! (*Not here)
Doc: Ok, Panggil Keluarga patient datang ya! Doc nak bagi tau sesuatu. (*Ok, call the patient's family here. I need to talk to them)
*Then the doctor continue to check on my grandma*

I sensed something after talking to the doctor. I called my mom and ask them to come quickly as the doctor will only talk to them. Then, from the window, I can see the sky is raining outside.

*5 mins later* the doctor came out and said: Adik, Kita dah tried our best.

I did not cry at that time. I stood there and called my dad. I told him shes gone. I thought I wont cry but once I sit down, I couldnt control myself anymore. Shes gone! My grandma who always bug me when I'm watching tv is gone.

Not long after that, my aunt from Singapore called and ask how is grandma. I said: zhao zhor!
She did not say anything but I heard her crying. The 20mins when I'm there waiting for my parents to come over is the worst 20mins I ever had.

No comfort! Nobody to lean to! No one offered me tissue! I was there alone sitting down infront of my grandma. I dare not touch her!

Not long after, my 2nd bro arrived. He sit beside her and hold her hand. He keep calling: Ah Poh! Poh!... Then I said: Zhao Zhor! Again, I couldn't hold on my tears and cry again.

Then, mom n dad arrived with my small brother. My dad wipe my grandma's face with his hand and walked out. I dont know where he went but when he come back, I saw him with red eyes. I know he cried. Who wouldn't?

A while later, my eldest bro arrive with his GF and my another aunt from Shah Alam. The moment my aunt saw her mom lying on bed not breathing.. She keep shouting: Ah mah! Ah mah! So loud that we couldnt hear the rain outside. I stood beside the window looking at the sky. The dark sky which I will never forget. I did not see my younger brother around. Probably hiding somewhere crying. My cousin brother came too. He s somewhere around meeting his client so he cancelled the appoinment and come to see my grandma.

1hour later, when the hospital staff is cleaning my grandma, my uncle from Emergency room called. He ask me to bring my mom to the E&R. On the way to E&R, I afraid something bad is happening. My mom's mom had difficulty in breathing a moment ago. Phlegm block the breathing passage of her but they manage to clear it. So, a great relief to me then I rushed back to my grandma's room.

I still dare not to touch her. I dunno why. I regret scolding her a few days ago when she ate salted fish as her breakfast, lunch n dinner. I said: Sik doh dit lar! Mm Xu Fuk zhong yiu sik yi ti gam geh yeh!! Then she reply me: Hai lar.. Mm sik lar.. Yi hao dou mm sik lar! Well, she really didnt get to eat it anymore....

The mourning lasted for 6 days because my aunt's husband who is working in England lost his passport and couldnt fly back. So, he registered a emergency passport at Msia embassy and reach back on the 4th day of mourning. Well, everyone is there except for one. My eldest aunt-Dai Gu Mah. She argue with my aunts and dad on the only land my grandfather had before he passed away peacefully 15yrs ago. I know he left peacefully even thou I'm 5 yrs old at that time. He asked my grandma to cook for him and when my grandma finish feeding him, he took a nap. The last nap he had...peacefully on his lazy chair.

Back to my eldest aunt, we didnt hear from her anymore ever since she demanded an amount of money for her every month for the land. My 2 other aunt give it land to my dad without asking for anything but my eldest aunt say my 2other aunt n dad trying to cheat her share. So, my dad bought her share from her. After paying her the money, we did not hear from her anymore.

So, we want her to pay her last respect to grandma but we couldn't contact her because she shift her house like staying at hotels. After having a family meeting, the last choice we have is to inform her thru newspaper. We bought one whole page of Nan Yang Siang Pao at the obituary section hoping that she will notice it. We waited for 6 days but she did not appear. Probably until now, she dont know that her own mom passed away for 8months already. We dont care either because money is more important to her.

Now, I still think about it every time when I'm alone.. the whole process is still clear in my mind. I couldn't accept the fact that the doctor said she tried her best..... especially when I'm only 18 at that time... too much for me....