New Year Resolutions For Her

New year is coming. I have this list of new year resolutions, well. . . for her.

1. Now that I'm a grown up, I will put my dirty socks in the laundry basket and not assume the sock fairy will magiv them there.

2. If I'm deep in thought and you ask me what I'm thinking about, I will not say, "Nothing". I will tell you.

3. I will never ask "Where have you put my . . ." (keys, wallet, favourite shirt, etc), without first looking for them.

4. I will put the loo seat down.

5. I will never refer to it as "it", as in "How about it?" or "Do you fancy it?"

6. When we go out for dinner I will not spend the last five minutes of the meal moaning about the bill.

7. I will always be nice to and about your mother and I will never suggest that you bear any resemblance to her, in terms of temperament, whatsover.

8. If you ask me if I love you, I will say, "Yes, I love you very much." I will not look totally bemused and say, "Eh? What? Well of course. . ."

9. I will remember to ask how your day was, instead of just talking about mine. And I will actually listen to your reply.

10. If you phone me during the day, I will try to converse instead of just grunting.

11. When you spend an hour on the phone talking to the friend you just saw, I will not complain but simply say, "How wonderful that you two are such good friends."

12. When I hear you whisper and giggle during any of your phone calls, I will not assume that you are talking about me, even when you obviously are.

13. When you ask me whether I like your new frocks, I will actually look at them before saying, "Yes! And what a bargain!"

14. I will not shout at the television, even when the politicians or footballers are on.

15. I will help around the house and if I wash a plate or two, I will not act as though I've just climbed Everest.

16. Should you be a little stressed or overtired and should you scream or throw the odd vase, I will make no reference to hormones whatsover.

17. I will accept that you've got your own problems, too, and that life isn't always easy for you either.

18. I will remember your birthday and our anniversary without prompting.

19. I will not hog the television remote control.

20. I will buy you flowers when it' not your birthday, not our anniversary and not just when I've behaved badly.

21. When I catch you drooling over some hunky male on the telly, I will not say, "You do know he's gay?"

22. I will not assume I have the same right to admire anyfemale ont he telly.

23. If I've got difficulties at work, I will tell you about them so that when the redundancy cheque finally comes it isn't too much of a shock.

24. When you say, "I fancy going shopping," I will gleefully reach for my wallet and shout, "whoopee!"

25. I will bring you tea in the bed at least once a week.

26. I will clean the sink after I've shaved and I will shut the bathroom door before making disgusting bathroom noises.

27. I will make sure I give you a proper kiss and a cuddle everyday.

28. If you put on weight and you ask me if you have, I will lie convincingly so you don't know I'm not "Just saying it to please you".

29. I will make sure I'm the first to kiss you at midnight on New Year's eve.

30. I will endeavour to make all the arrangements on your birthday.

31. I will finally admit that you're just as good a driver as me, better in fact, and I will not keep pressing an invisible brake pedal every time you take the wheel.

32. I will be an affectionate and happy little bunny, wh never sulks.

33. If things go wrong on our holiday (e.g. there's rain), I will not blame you. In fact, I will come to realise it's somehow my fault.

34. Sometimes I will surprise you by taking you out to lunch alone.

35. I will whisper sweet nothings in your ear, just like I always used to.

36. When you try out a new recipe I will say, "Mmmm, delicious" and not look at the plate muttering, "What is this supposed to be exactly?"

37. I will remember to tell you you're sexy without having to be prompted.

38. I'll count my blessings, no matter how disguised they seem to be.

39. I will try to keep all my New Year's resolution this time around.

40. Well, I'll try to keep a copy of this list, at least. . . (which I'm doing right now)

And in case you haven't realised, this list is extracted from CLEO.